Dance

There are many social constructions based on gender: Little boys wear blue socks, little girls wear pink; Boys play football, girls dance; Men provide for the family and women take care of the family.

These social constructions aren't inherently bad but they can be very limiting.

I was raised by a father that loved baseball and who was likely eager to relive his "glory days" of baseball once he had a son. Being his only son, I felt the pressure. I wanted to be a baseball star but a combination between a lack of talent for the sport and the lack of drive (give me a break, I was barely in my teens) didn't allow for me to excel at the sport. All that I wanted to do was make my dad proud but every missed catch, fielding error, and strikeout took an emotional toll on me. One year, when asked if I was ready to start up baseball again, I spared myself the continued emotional abuse and killed my baseball career by saying "No."

I had no other hobbies other than baseball and my parents didn't push me to try anything else (can you blame them? I was a quitter!). Life went on but I never had (and still don't have) another hobby with which to identify myself.

As an example of how these social constructions have affected me, I'll tell you that my sisters were dancers. I loved watching them perform and a part of me wishes that I had the opportunity to dance! But that desire was something that I never felt fully comfortable about voicing. I'm at a point now where I am more comfortable and accepting of who I am and who I am not but back then, I wasn't about to put myself through the judgement that would come if I were to make that desire known! I was nowhere near that confidant.

I don't even know if I would be good at dancing, but I feel as though I wish I could have felt comfortable with taking the chance to find out. I could have tried, and things may have turned out just fine. But I feel as though this social construction based on gender that boys don't dance unless they are feminine is what kept me from pursuing dance as a hobby. In fact, it continues to keep me from doing so because I feel that in order to overcome the teasing and judgement that would ensue, I would have to ACTUALLY be good at dancing and... I don't know if I will be and I don't want to try and fail. I'm already not the most masculine of males and I wasn't about to promote this lack by telling my dad of all people that I wanted to dance. He would probably question my sexuality,

"Actually dad, I'm strait. And I want to dance." Why is this coexistence seen as strange?

As a similar but smaller example, i like purple and pink. That being the case, I have a few pink pencils, a pink knife, and a pink phone case. It is interesting to me that many times, when someone sees my phone, they ask, "is that yours?" with a raised eyebrow look. When I say yes, they almost can't believe it is true because my phone is pink.

And I'm a guy. And I'm not gay. And that is weird to them.