If I want something done right

There have been plenty of times where frustration caused by someone's incompetence has lead me to take over a task so that I know that it gets done correctly.

Sometimes there are no other options than to do something yourself in order to make sure that it is done right.

However,

who is in a place to say what is right and what is perceived as correct? Not me! But do I do it... almost everyday. For me, I think it all comes down to trust. I have realized that in the times that I feel that someone is incompetent and I make the choice to do (or redo) a task myself, I have found that it is because I don't trust them. I think that this comes in different levels depending on what needs to be done. Like weighing pros and cons. These people that I "don't trust" might be completely competent and i'm a fool for wasting my time trying to make sure that something gets done. In the end, my concept of "the right way" isn't the right way or the only way; it's simply my way. Perhaps it's arrogance that makes me feel that my way is superior... but I don't consider myself an arrogant person in a negative way. Just someone who trusts themselves and has some positive pride.
I think there is something more to this. Perhaps it is a positive quality that I possess in wanting to do things my way. Often, this is because I know that I am capable of doing something and don't want to put someone out of their way to do it when 1. I am capable 2. I know how I would like it done and trust that I will get it done that way and 3. I don't have trust that they will do it how I want it done (my perceived "right way").
That isn't always the motive.

--- rewrite

If you want something done right, then do it yourself!

Right? That's how it goes? Well, who the hell says that the right way is your way it's just... your way! And you perceive it as right. And who are you to say that your way is right? What are you, a professor or something that requests that everyone address you as "Doctor?" Anyway, you should be saying,

"If I want it done my way than I have to do it."

I've thought about this often while working with others. I become frustrated with their way of doing things because I perceive their actions as wrong. And honestly, sometimes they are! So wrong! And I find it incredibly stupid that they are doing a certain thing a certain way. Some people are just stupid. And that's the truth. But some people have different ways of doing things. We should allow them to do it and do our best to damn our pride and give them the opportunity to complete the task without our intervention.

I've not worked with kids hardly at all and I don't have any of my own but I have thought to myself that this must be somewhat how it is to have children. We, as adults, simply have more practice when it comes to simple tasks. Although we will have a lot of teaching moments with children where we help to teach them what we have learned, trial and error is a more effective teacher and we need to sit back, cringe, and watch them learn a lesson when it isn't the end of the world if they get it wrong.

I've come to learn about my personality as compared to others and I feel as though I struggle with this slightly more than other people; I spend a lot of my time observing myself and self-perfecting if you will. I've grown up with the thought that I want to be someone that I want to be around; like if I had a doppelgänger, we would be best friends or something. I think i've done a pretty good job honestly but it has taken some work. This mindset is something that I don't feel is shared with the general population, leading me to feel more frustrated when something so simple is done so difficult...ly by another person. It can be very detrimental when the person doing something so simple so difficulty...ly is myself (talk about self-loathing).

Generally, and this is a learned behavior, I try not to be annoyed by people doing things that I perceive as "wrong." After all, my way probably isn't the best way. And often, I end up doing things my way because I want them done a certain way and I think that they deserve to be done a certain way. I don't think there is much wrong with this except it can be done out of pride. But what is wrong with some personal pride? I think it's a positive quality to be confidant in your ability to do things as long as you can remain humble.

If I look introspectively, this could be a sign of my lack of trust for people. That kinda sucks. People can be trusted right? Is that a fact? I have a decent amount of faith in humanity. Hell, I even wrote an essay in school saying that I believed contrary to William Golding's opinion that humans are inherently bad. Or something that I have been taught to believe? Or have I been taught to believe that people shouldn't be trusted? Nature or nurture? I wonder where this comes from for me.

I have no personal reason not to trust people. Like, nothing crazy happened in my childhood that made me not trust people. I think now that I just trust myself more than others. And that is pretty cool right? I remember distinctly thinking when I was driving 4 hours south from my home to go to college back in 2012 that I had gotten to that place all on my own and I didn't need any help! And although I may deserve a small pat on the back for the achievements I worked hard to earn myself, how selfish and prideful is that thought! Pretty darn. Retrospectively, it was quite prideful. I remember recognizing that in myself. Since then, I have carried some of that same mentality and i'd like to say it is in healthier doses.

I have worked hard for what I have and I have not received a lot of handouts. I trust myself to continue to do this for myself. If we are speaking more in "the now," I trust myself to do this for myself AND my wife and our future family but unfortunately with less confidence. Who can blame me? I'm new at this. At times, the weight of feeling like I don't trust myself to do that is a lot. On the good days, when I trust myself and feel good about myself, I do trust myself to provide not just the essentials but also some comforts to say the least. And maybe my lack of trust in others is feeling like they are getting in my way of achieving the future essentials and comforts. This leads to my intervention so that something gets done the "right way."

This mentality carries over into my employment and the company that I work for. I believe that I look out for and am aware of the essentials of the business and know what it takes to provide those essentials to and for the company. Working with people that don't share this same vision is what frustrates me and makes me feel the need to coach or intervene. Maybe that is it.

Drifting

I love drifting. 

But I am by no means a drift king. 😉

But there is something serene in the sound of tires singing as they swing a shrill symphony across the ground. 

Not just the sound but the smell expounds my soul and makes me feel... alive. 

Now, just IMAGINE. 

I change into first and check my surroundings to make sure I won’t hit the pole cause the sound of my right quarter panel pounding the concrete would, although make a damn good (hopefully viral) video... suck. Really bad. (‘cause i’m a poor post graduate who doesn’t have the kind of money to wreck my car and fix it let alone upgrade or even paint the damn thing… anyway…)

Despite this fear I change into gear and give it some gas to brake the "posi trac" loose and swing the caboose of this beast where (at least) for a moment I feel... ALIVE!

When the tires get hot they will screech and squeal making me feel like I just popped a pill to accelerate my heart and increase the thrill of being on the brink of out of control, but still... in control. 

life’s funny like that. 

Just like a car has a driver, the body has a soul and the soul is in control and lets the body rock and roll! ...if it wants to.  

Or drift a car. 

The soul allows the body to stay close or travel far… 

…Like to Japan. For two whole years. For reasons halfway known but that still aren’t very clear. Either way, I’m happy that I went. To try and find people who believed that I was heaven sent bringing the message that the body has a soul and that soul has a Father who loves you whether you bother to love him back. 

And the Father has a Son who set an example that if we follow will never let us go off track. 

But sometimes we drift. 

Sometimes we don’t. 

Sometimes we will have traction. 

And sometimes we won’t. 

Whether we do or don’t is completely up to us. Take stock of your life to find what you need to adjust. 

Either way,

A direction in life matters. So… when it comes to drifting in life or in a car, I try to choose the ladder. 

(I don't always succeed. But that is not what matters.)

 

Fake Dad

I'm a bellman at a hotel and about six months ago, I witnessed something that has been on repeat in my mind.

Simply put, a man came into the hotel, checked in, then walked back out to his car. He opened the door and looked at his child in the backseat, erasing the blank emotions from his face and replacing them with wide eyes, a large smile, and some happy chatter.

However, the second that he closed the car door to get back into his own seat in his car, those expressions had left his face as quickly as they came and he got into his own seat and drove away.

The dichotomy between his expressions is burned in my mind.

This experience wasn't all that profound. I believe it is the connotative meaning of this event that has left an impression.

We are actors. And I can't blame myself or anyone for being one. We have figurative masks and costumes that we don in certain company and for different occasions. For this father, he puts on a performance for his child so that he can help to control his child's image of him as a father and of life in general. We want our children to grow up believing that the world is exciting and happy. Innocence is important, and we want them to have it as long as they can.

Candy

If you had to pick one candy, and only one candy, to have for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

I like chocolate. And I like peanut butter. And I like it when they are together. But if I had to choose one candy, and only one candy, to have for the rest of my life, I would struggle really hard with the decision.

There are so many good candies out there! And I like certain candies at certain times, in certain places, and for their own special reasons! How could I pick just one???

I feel like you have to try enough candies to determine which kinds you like and which kinds you don't. And I know that you don't have to try all of the candies to be able to pick a favorite. But...

how are you supposed to make that kind of decision???

This is my problem with marriage. -____________-

Edit: I'm married! To someone that I have known for 6+ years. Turns out that I do like one kind of candy but I had to make sure by "trying" it for a long time before making my decision.

Sims Theory

Ya, I had that period in life where I thought video games were everything. That doesn't really have a lot to do with this post tho... but i'll tell you why it is relevant.

Have you ever played Sims??

If you have, you'll understand my point a lot quicker. If you haven't, here is the long and short:

Sims is a role playing game where you create a character and from there, you control them and their life. When you create the character, you create their personality by putting an exhaustive amount of experience points in certain areas; by doing so, you can determine if your character will be sloppy or neat, shy or outgoing, lazy or active, serious or playful, and grouchy or nice.

I don't necessarily want to upload a picture for better understanding so... I hope you get it.

To get to the point, I feel like this is how we have been created. Or at least that is my theory.

I have felt recently on this topic that everyone is human, and everyone is equal but in their own unique way. We are equal in that we have the same amount of "experience points" but unique in that we have them arranged in very different ways.

Me personally? I feel like i'm as neutral as you can get! A "jack of all trades and a master of none;" never try, never fail; never get too excited and never get too let down. That is me. And i'm aware of the blessing and curse that it is in my life. But to each his own.

*I have met people who seem to be good at everything and always have their shit together. These are the exceptions to my theory. So forget about them. It's just a theory anyway.*

Since i've had this idea, there have been other thoughts that have helped to solidify it in my mind as more of a belief than a theory.

First, and quite simply, I believe in a God that is fair. There are many things that are unfair in this life and believing that He is fair, and believing in this theory, is really the only way that I can believe in God.

It has been observed and said that there is a fine line between genius and insanity. This idea lends to this theory because if you have all of your "experience points" in the genius category, then you are unable to place these points in the sanity column. Along these same lines is some extremely talented people that I know, who are really good at one thing, seem to have a harder time dealing with life in general. Perhaps this means that when too many points are put in the "talent" category, a sacrifice is made in the "ability to keep you shit together" column.

Probably just coincidence... but maybe not...

I had a lot of thoughts cross my mind as I noticed that the only flickering light in the chapel just happened to be right over my head.

Loved and lost

After my post "ABC," I had some further insight into my belief in God and my belief in love.

I asked a friend a question that has been asked many times before, "is it better to have loved and lost? Or to have never loved at all?" Almost immediately, she replied that she would rather have loved and lost... but she is a Mormon, shouldn't she believe the latter?

Here is my case:

2 Nephi 31:14

"...after ye have repented of your sins, and witnessed unto the Father that ye are willing to keep my commandments, by the baptism of water, and have received the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost, and can speak with a new tongue, yea, even with the tongue of angels, and after this should deny me, it would have been better for you that ye had not known me."

Im not going to pretend that this idea of mine is scripture, or correct by any means; more than anything, it was just an interesting thought I had. If you believe as I do (thanks again, Watsky) that God is love and love is all that we have, doesn't this scripture suggest that it is better to have never known love if you deny it?

Let me know, because I don't quite have my own answer to this question.